Tuesday, 10 July 2007

Well as you read this it's Tuesday (for those of you that are quick off the mark), and I'm probably resting up or getting ready for my gig tonight in the Slaughtered Lamb, London (which is a great and very intimate venue...you should come along and dance/chill/say hi), BUT... as I write this I'm in a ball of stress in Dublin airport...oh, their calling my flight (eventually) so I'll just board then type the rest on the plane...hold on a sec...

aaaaaaand we're back. I'm sure that went quicker for you than it did for me!

So I'm now on the plane, but let me give you a brief run down of the journey to here:

I was doing the RTE Radio1 show in the morning, as you know from my last post, and I'd booked the whole day in Dublin, thinking I would be busy busy busy with a long list of interviews... I couldn't have been more wrong. Being that I'd done the rounds of just about everyone at Oxegen, there wasn't a single radio, TV, paper, mag or webzine in Ireland that was left to do, and even if there was, they were all still at Oxegen.

So I thought to myself... 'Great, I'll shimmy into Dublin for a pint of G and some early dinner then take a leisurely drive out to the airport.

I found a great wee pub, for a rainy day, in Tempelogue. I sat in a dark corner and ordered Guinness and a Hawaiian burger (because I hadn't had one for about 10 years...). The Guinness was delightful obviously. Then came the Hawaiian burger. It's meant to be thousand island dressing and pineapples right? It had pineapples.... and BACON!? BACON! Let's just say that again for clarity's sake... it had Bacon! Then she arrived seconds later with a bowl saying "and here's some spicy chilli sauce".... Not to mention the other unannounced bowl with vinegar, ketchup, mayo and mustard.... what's going on?

Anyway, I eat & drink my fill then hit the road with plenty of time to spare.

"Just one mile up this road, turn right and I'm pretty much there" I say to myself. Then I make the dreaded mistake of turning on the Satellite Navigation ( I can't bear the term 'sat nav'). "Turn around where possible" she announces. I'm guessing she knows some sneaky route so I do as I'm told, then make another fatal mistake, which I've made before and should really have learnt from, but I...........trust her. I go into 'mindless driving, dilly dally daydream' mode and trust her every suggestion. Until that is, I come to my senses in the middle of Dublin city rush hour(s) traffic!!!!! I'm stuck. There's nothing to do but curse profusely at Elaine (the voice directing me) and tell her I'll punch her in the guts if she ever does this to me again (it obviously her fault right!?).

So I sit there moving a meter every few seconds knowing, at this stage, I'm meant to be checking in and deciding where to go and read my book...I'm also fully aware that I've got at least another hour in city traffic before I even hit the motorway. I punch the car doors, shout at Elaine and ask God 'of he loves me why does he let me get caught in traffic?' and occasionally burst into uncontrollable laughter, like some sort of man possessed. Alas, it's all to no avail, I'm still tailgating at 0.3 mph.

By the time I get on the motorway, with a 15 minute drive to the airport, it's 18:10 and my flight closes at 18:35. Bearing in mind I have to return my hire car, but not before refuelling it, otherwise they sting you for serious green! So I'm firing up the M1 and take the airport turn off... no garage....no choice....gonna have to just drop the car off and pay the money.

I can't see any signs for Rental Car Drop Off, so that has me in another bout of shouting at people that can't hear, nor do anything about it. I see Hertz, I drive the wrong way up a one way road to get to the office, and there's a cue of five cars...

FFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE CCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSS!

There's never a five car cue! Well, today there is. I jump out, drag my gear from the (very muddy) boot, barge into the office, disregarding the long cue of people in there, interrupt this guy while he's trying to sort out another woman's rental (which pisses everybody off) and announce "my car may need valeting, and it needs refuelled and I have no time to wait for you to tell me the cost, here are the keys, you have my credit card details".... and I'm out the door. This is very brash for me. I was clearly well wound up.

I make my flight with seconds to spare, after negotiating grannies and slow folk in holiday mode with 50 billion man sized, brightly coloured suitcases.

Turns out the flight's delayed but I don't care now I'm just so happy to be checked in and through security. It's all going good, I'm chilling out nicely thinking 'I'll just head down to the lounge now and get a pint and read my book'. I arrive at the lounge with is a good 17 minute walk (at a good pace) to find I have no money, there's no bank link and nobody takes card payments.... But I'm cool, I don't let it really get to me. It's a tad annoying but I'm dealing with it by swallowing lots and smiling incessantly.

So I kill a lot of time, and then 15 mins before my delayed plane is due to leave the ground, I think to myself...." you know, maybe I'll do a wee post in my journal". I reach into my bag.........


NO LAPTOP!!!!

I make a noise that makes the girl sitting next to me physically jump! My laptop is at security, which although it's a17 minute walk from there, you can't go the way you came. to get back to where my computer is, I have to go out of the airport altogether, and re-enter through the cueing system. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG! I'm having a melt down at this point running up the corridor with one hand on my trousers which are falling down with every step, sweat lashing off me and a long line of people behind me shouting things like "hey, watch where you're fecking going will ya bud" as I was knocking them out of my way left right and centre....

i sweet talked the security guard, who let me through the quicker way, as long as the customer care guy never left my side (which he didn't). My laptop was there... it was lost but it was found, which is even better than getting it in the first place! I ran back down, to see my flight was delayed further, which would usually be a pain, but not tonight. I was glad of a moments rest....and rest I did, right beside the door to the toilets, the only space left in the hall, which is where I started this post...which has turned out to be more of a journey than a post eh?

Hope to see some of you tonight...x

oh, did I mention RyanDESPAir broke my guitar again!?